Need input on ex boyfriend who is in Iraq, who now has a girl friend and we are both real confused.?

I have been talking to my ex boyfriend who is currently in Iraq. He has a new girl friend right now and we have been talking on line and I know it is wrong but we did and still do anyway. I think we both still have feelings for one another but we have been confused on how to go about it. I am almost 100% positive that he isn鈥檛 what I want in my life however I still do care about him a great deal.

He sent me these e-mails yesterday and these are my responses.

L Sent:

If I tell you something, can you keep it to you?? Please! It's about J and me. I just need an opinion from either an ex or someone I trust, sounds crazy but I think I need your opinion. Ok, here's what I did. Please tell me if I'm wrong, if I would have done this to you.

I gave J an ultimatum. I have been told by reliable sources that She is not being totally honest with me, so, I put someone on the task Of watching her at certain times of the day and night. Ok, hold on There! She has been out several times,,,no biggy,,, but couldn't acct for Her time out. So I found out through my Mom and her sis that she has been talking to an ex. So I told her to get a copy of her phone calls, Itemized, make a copy and give both to my Mother, then my Mother is to Send one of them to me. Is that wrong? She's not going to do it, so I Told her, it was her loss and her kids, not mine!

I feel like a control freak, but she pushed me to this point by not Being able to accurately account for her time out at the clubs.

I sent to him :

I think you are wrong but you have to think about the situation too L. You are over there in Iraq and ya鈥檒l haven鈥檛 dated very long and haven鈥檛 had that connection for you two, to be together for a life time commitment either. Sometimes, you know (She is the one) and other times, (She is just there) Know what I mean???

Also, you have to look at the age difference, (She is 27 and you are going on 41) AND on top of that, if she is talking to her ex, then there is obviously some feelings there left between them. Shoot, think about us keeping in contact.

And yes, you are a control freak, you need to get that under control if you want a happy relationship with someone. That is one of the things that bothered me, I felt like I couldn鈥檛 totally be myself around you sometimes, afraid I would do something to piss you off.

L Sent back:

4 real? Wow, I never knew. I'll talk to you later about it. I told her about us though, she denies her talking and going to see him.

*So, pretty interesting, huh??? anyway the story goes on鈥?Here is what happened next鈥?/p>

I had to go to Wal- Mart after those e-mails, I ran into his ex-wife (T) and their son. My daughter and I sat down with them in Mc D鈥檚 that is inside of Wal-Mart and we talked about everything that has happened since May (Starting from when I got out of the hospital) and about what their marriage was like, of course her story is a little different from his but that is to be expected. I thought it was so strange that I ran into them, some how I felt like it was faith and an over whelming of decision making on mine and L鈥檚 situation has opened my eyes.

When I got home last night, I sent this to him:

Are you on line? I would like to talk to you. I ran into the cutest little boy in Wal-Mart, at Mc D's wearing a boy scout uniform and his mother.

Yep, it was your son and T...we had a nice conversation.

And this morning L sent me this message:

I told J to forget it! I could never live it down, even if I were right! You are right, that is low and I would never feel the same about myself! I've never stooped that low in my life. I wish I could see my son in his uniform, she has not sent me a pic yet.

And here is what I sent back to him this morning...

Im very proud of you L, Im happy to hear that you told her to forget about the itemized phone bill. I鈥檝e been up for about an hour and a half writing you a very lengthy letter. I don鈥檛 want you to respond right away, I would like you to make a copy of it and read it a few times and think about what I said. Then when you have your thoughts together then take the time out to write me and let me know what you think. I spent a lot of time on this letter and its coming straight from the heart. So here goes鈥?

I have been doing a lot of thinking about our emails yesterday and running into T (your ex wife) at Wal Mart. I like T a lot, she has a good head on her shoulders and she is a wonderful mother.

I can remember when I first got out of the hospital, I was so happy to be finally getting out and being able to see you and work on our relationship and the depression I was feeling towards my children and the way my life was going. Instead, I got smacked in the face with all my belongings in the back of your truck. That was mind blowing at the time.

Also, Looking back on Mother鈥檚 Day, man that was rough on me in more ways than one. I KNOW I was a disaster a few months ago, here recently I have been messing up again but im not so bad off like I use to be. Getting my life on track is still in the works but I honestly feel a lot better about myself and have more confidence in me to reach the goals I want to achieve in life more than ever.

I鈥檝e come to realize, if people think horrible of me, it鈥檚 not just because of what I have done, it鈥檚 because of what you tell them about me. I鈥檓 not a bad person; I am just a determined person. I also need things explained to me to be able to understand the circumstances and being able to function properly in ANY matter. Way back when, I did call you a lot and I did send you emails, a lot of that had to do with not understanding how I once had a man who loved me, cared about me, promised me the world and then in an instance, slammed the door in my face. I was confused, hurt, lonely, scared and felt like a pathetic little woman. You have no idea how happy I am that I鈥檓 over that state of mind.

When I had sent you that letter about ME still loving you, yes, I do still somewhat have those feelings for you but when I really sit back and evaluate everything that has happened and what I want in life, it isn鈥檛 really you. There is no way that love that I once had for you will ever be the same. I simply just care for you and hope nothing but the BEST for you and your family.

You, have the whole world in your hands L, you have an awesome family and a beautiful little boy who thinks the world of his Daddy and a very understanding ex-wife. You can find happiness once again with that special someone, you just need to change some things about yourself, such as; not being so controlling, jealous, and don鈥檛 talk about the one who shares the bed with you. That woman, who is sharing your bed, should be the light of your life, not a soap opera for the rest of the town to know and judge. Also, all the ex鈥檚 in your life, it鈥檚 not right to complain about them to tons of people so you can look like a victim and the ex鈥檚 look like a psycho.

The man that I would love to have in my life is someone that I could brag about, talk good about and show the love that I have for him to the whole world. That is what you should be doing about the woman in your life.

You really should think about what you promise the women that enters your life. You shouldn鈥檛 tell someone that you love them and then run away if something isn鈥檛 sitting right with you. When you promise that one woman the world and then take that hope away from her, you are not only hurting her, you are hurting her children as well. Think about this sentence you had sent to J

{so I Told her, it was her loss and her kids, not mine!}

Did you think about it??? That is so wrong in many ways, you are only thinking of yourself, you are being self-centered and acting like a child. Seriously, what gives you the right to mess around with other peoples lives like that??? Oh L, you really need to take a real good look at yourself and do some soul-searching sweetie. You need to be able to live a life without having a woman to fulfill that void that you always seem to think that you need. Until you do finally realize that you don鈥檛 need that woman to make your life feel complete you will be able to be a great asset to that one special woman and her family and live the life you have always dreamed of having.

Just like me, I always thought I needed that man to make my life complete, I don鈥檛 feel that way anymore, sure I would love to have someone there to do things with but I鈥檓 very content of sleeping alone and going about my business alone, I truly am.

Im spending a lot of time on this letter because I choose to, I could have easily went about my normal duties, being selfish and spiteful and not share what I feel with you. But, instead, im sharing this with you because I do care about you and I truly want you to do what is best for you.

You have a lot of time on your hands over there in Iraq, I don鈥檛 mean that you are sitting around doing nothing, I know you have to be real busy with work. Im talking about, the spare time when you are not working. I think you should write a journal, read up on positive things on how to improve yourself and think about what鈥檚 best for you and your family.

If you see something that your really not sure of when it comes to J and her children, then you need to let her know so she can move on with her life. Just like you, she has a family to think about love and protect and you wouldn鈥檛 want anyone to make decisions for you, right??? All I鈥檓 saying is just do the right thing, don鈥檛 hurt any more women by walking out on them when they need you the most, especially after promising them a future with you and your family. If you can honestly say, that you don鈥檛 see J or any other woman growing old with and sitting on that porch swing, sipping ice tea, in the future, then you need to end it before someone gets hurt. Even if you know that you will feel a little empty, just remember, it will only be temporary because someday you WILL have your soul mate.

I care about you L, I really really do and please understand that Im not writing you this to hurt you, Im writing this because my heart is telling me to and I truly want you to be happy. Im always here for you if you need someone to talk to. You have access to the inter net over there, browse the net and find some literature on what you think you might need to do to improve yourself and I promise you, you will feel a lot better about yourself and a lot of things that don鈥檛 seem to make sense to you will automatically fall in place.

Don鈥檛 worry so much about whats going on at home and with J, you need to concentrate more on you and work, you are in a War and you don鈥檛 need to be so wrapped up on what J could be doing here State side and end up injured or worse. I can鈥檛 believe Im going to say this, LOL, but Pray and talk to God. Talk to a Chaplin that is what he is there for, don鈥檛 think that you are a weak man if you go that route, you would be a smart man if you did.

Yours Truly, P

And here is his response

You are absolutely right! I'm serious, I have some soul searching to do! Mom is fed up with everything and is going back to WV. I'm not sure when. I told her about our discussions and she said, "I know you guys still care about each other! She's a good person!" I have to say one thing, I looked at the messages I sent her and I said, "It will be

your loss, not mine!" I never said anything about her kids, though I think I relayed that to you. I'll write more later! Thanks P! I'm serious!

Followed by another response from L

I'm not sure where to respond, lol I want to start by telling you I'm sorry for hurting you after you got out of the hospital. I allowed my room mate to cloud my head with thoughts that you were going to do it all again, and maybe the next time accomplish what you set out to do. I messed up by moving him into my life and listening to his B.S. I'll be back in a bit, VERY BUSY!

***So, what do ya鈥檒l think??? The reason why I was in the hospital back in May is because of a very selfish act on my part. (Yes, attempted suicide.) I left my ex husband a little over 2 yrs ago and I have been facing a very difficult time since then. The reason I left him is another huge story in it self but trust me it was for a very good reason. The stressors where some of these, legal matters of custody and my ex not paying child support, not having enough education for a decent job, a trouble teenager, finances and making a very difficult decision that threw me over the edge was by letting the ex have the children so I can get back on my feet.

So, here I am, doing much better, went and still going through counseling. Have an ok job that I enjoy doing and going back to school. Im still struggling with not having the children in my life and custody matters but Im dealing a lot better with it. I have a good attorney that understands where and how I got myself in this situation. I鈥檝e come a long way since May, Im very proud of myself but I cant deny the fact that I still care for my ex boyfriend and I do have to admit, he confuses me sometimes. BTW, when I gave the children to my ex husband, it was before I met my ex boy friend that I have been sharing with you all.

Need input on ex boyfriend who is in Iraq, who now has a girl friend and we are both real confused.?oper

If you don't love him move on... All you're doing is wasting your time and his time... Tell him that you just want to be friends and find yourself someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with... Good Luck...

Need input on ex boyfriend who is in Iraq, who now has a girl friend and we are both real confused.?hollywood theater opera theaterNO wonder Americans are loosing the war You spend way to much time on the net than fighting Report It


Hello miss low self-esteem-----stop hurting yourself!!!! He has a girlfriend--what part don't you get???? Besides Iraq----great you won't run into him---HEAL Report It


if you were his gilfriend and he now has another **** that ***** Report It


It's rediculous that anyone has enough time to read you're whole damn life story.

Sorry, hon but shorten it up if you want advice.
Girl... move on. You broke up for a reason, and that reason ain't changing just because you still have lingering feelings. You already answered your question, you know he is not the one for you. It is natural to still have feelings and care for the guy, but doesn't mean you are willing to spend your whole life with him. I recommend you to keep the contacts shorter and less frequent. You know the best way to cut loose a past relationship is ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACTS. It sounds harsh, but really that is the only way it works.
I didnt real all the letters. But he is in Iraq, even if u dont think things will go father then friends with you 2,, then so be it, But stay his friend, I have a son in Iraq and i wouldnt care who was being his friend. He needs someone he can trust and talk too.
If you don't love him, move on.
You gave up your children???? You attempted suicide? I hope you have been getting excellent psychiatric help. You need much, much counseling to get over your bad feelings and get well. Due to all your rambling here, I don't think you are well yet. I don't think it's wrong to have a friend and pen pal in Iraq, but don't give him any promises or false hopes, okay? He currently has enough stress in his life...he's in Iraq. If he is the type who controls, you shouldn't want to be with him. You need to be in control of you from now on. You need to get visitation with your kids (they'll be messed up from not knowing their mom, otherwise). You need to be STRONG for them. So, get well, and stay well. Avoid people who confuse you and make you feel out of control again. Good luck and God Bless.
He has a girlfriend, and he's an "ex" for a reason. It's none of your business, stay out of it. Leave it and him alone. You have had a number of challenges; while you've made a lot of strides, you're not out of the woods yet. You have way too much going on to complicate things further by getting involved again.

The best thing for you to do is to focus on getting your life together. Your ex is in a tough spot, but you need to focus on you and getting your act together. Part of the problem may be that you've not learned how to be self-sufficient emotionally. Honestly, I couldn't get through all of the emails: there's way too much drama. You need to put some distance between you and the entire situation. Stop allowing yourself to be reeled in.

You say you're confused? Stop cluttering up your life. Ask yourself: What kind of life do I want to have and what do I need to do to get it? Commit to mental stability, self-sufficiency and education. Stop surrounding yourself with drama. It's that easy.
Thanks for sharing, read everything and understand a bit about the past problems: the ex-b/f, the deal with the hospital, the child custody battle, etc. Your improvement is noted (the counseling, job, school etc.). One problem that likely needs to be resolved is your relationship with your ex b/f (is it better to leave that situation completely alone or still be involved - either as friends or possible romance?). That decision is yours to make. Keep always improving yourself and things will get better and better.